on scars

June 26, 2013

people will say these things to you, you know. and they won't know that you'll remember. they won't know how these words, they'll scar. and the most insignificant sentence will haunt you and dictate you and become you at your weakest moments.
or the way an object will hold an entire ugly memory in just a fleeting glance.

i keep a list of my scars. as if by writing them down, i could change their power over me. (a set of sheets, two parallel grooves, sweet dreams, a crack in the wood, a chest.) these things, they don't let you forget.

i wonder what scars i have left for others to list.


3 notes:

  1. Does it help to list them? Only time will tell. People tell you to "Let it go." Whatever technique you use, it takes work and persitence. A scar is a scar. I wish I could erase the ones where I have been the one to say or do something hurtful.

    1. does it help? at first, i thought maybe not. but slowly i realized that i am not dwelling on specifics from those scars... but that the emotion is still very vivid to me. if i was clever, i'd make the same sort of list for the memories that make me swell with joy. (oddly enough, most of those are triggered by a familiar smell. it takes me to that moment in an instant.)

      i often wonder who and how i've scarred. those little hurts that stay. in moments of anger now, when i want to say something dreadful, i wonder if my flash of anger is worth the length of time those words will stay with that person, and i bite my tongue. (i'm not always successful, and i'm often more successful with strangers than with those i love. but i try.) because you can't truly take things back, you know?